


You want the good tea or the bad tea?

by GirlDressedInBlack



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, like it's so weird it's almost crack, the weirdest brotp ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2018-11-18 14:37:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11292699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlDressedInBlack/pseuds/GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: Snapshots of the unlikely bond between a disguised Time Lord and his on and off best enemy's current pet human.





	1. Chapter 1

The Master doesn't really want to save the human but he finds himself toppling the cyberman anyway. Perhaps it's because the Doctor would be quite annoyed to see his pet dead even after they had attempted to fix her or perhaps it's the promise of information from her and the entertainment he can gain over the years he has to wait until he can reach the Doctor.  Either way the human is saved for a moment and the Time Lord is going to make the most of it.

A pet human might make a good distraction for a while.

He lures her from the room with promise of tea, briefly wondering whether everyone on Sol 3 liked tea or the Doctor only chose those whose tastes matched his own. I mean- he himself was partial to tea but from those he had met it seemed it that was something that the whole human race shared without discrimination. Perhaps they had all been brainwashed- then again if they had the Doctor would have done something about it. Or would he? What's the harm in a liking for tea?

He checks the hall briefly- it wouldn't do to have to get rid of the nurse so soon- and gestures for the human to follow him. The Master remembers then how the Doctor's type involved compassion. 

"It's alright- they don't feel pain." He says simply, waving the human's concern away.

The human contradicts him and the Master only just manages to fight the urge to roll his eyes.

"Yes they do." He admits, trying to fake concern and failing quite miserably. The human- possibly female, maybe? He's never been sure- questions him again.

"It was a clever lie." He whispers, "But you see straight through me." He shrugs as he finishes before attempting to derail the human's train of thought with tea again.

Yet again the human questions the Master and he wonders if he should have just let the nurse or the cyberman deal with it. Humans were fragile with endless questions and he is already tired of this one.

"People, people, people, people, people. They are people." He says, patience nearing its limits and just wishing that the human would give in so he could start pumping it for information. The information on how to distract the other aliens travelling with the Doctor would be more than enough for him to spare its life for now.

She finally asks a relevant question and he can't help but smile.

"Curing them." The Time Lord declares- running off before the human can ask more questions. He checks that the human is following before going to find the tea- he knows he put it somewhere around here.

The wheels of the drip squeak as the human enters the room and pauses. He steps out in front of the primate and tries to hide his amusement at the fear that flashes through its mind.

"You want the good tea or the bad tea?" He asks, pretending not to notice the physical symptoms of shock. The human recovers quickly and asks the difference.

"I call one good, one bad." The Master admits easily. The human seems confused by the answer but asks for the good tea anyway which is lucky for it because the bad tea is actually really terrible tea- he honestly can't remember where he got it.

"Excellent- positive attitude will help with the horror to come." He says, instantly going to make tea. The Master turns back briefly at the human's question.

"Mainly the tea." He says with a smile. It's not entirely false- even the good tea is more strongly mediocre to bad.

The Master sets himself to the task of making half-decent tea and mentally sighs at the indignity this adventure is forcing upon him. If anything that human of the Doctor's should be making half-decent tea for him upon threat of death.

He reminds himself of his main goal and commits himself to the long haul.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Master continues to make tea.

The human doesn't stay quiet for too long- apparently not content without having had the most obvious of questions answered. He even has to bring out a tin can to try and explain and wonders if the Doctor had picked up a faulty one. He speaks in as many simple terms and single words he can, quite amused by the human's stupidity.

"Good- is it?" The Time Lord asks of her new heart, turning from the tea.

"I haven't dared look yet." The human says, looking fairly nauseous. The pains that come with primitive medicine are something the Time Lord is glad he will never have to face.

"Is good. Is very good." He assures the human, looking at the flashing lights on her chest, "Shiny." It almost looks like a bomb- how quaint. Almost makes the place feel like home. He thinks about how amusing it would be to rig all the cybermen as bombs and the destruction it would cause.

"You can carry it off." The human looks flattered- good to see his charisma is still working, "Not everybody can. For some people it all goes a bit... A bit- you know." He finishes making the tea, making a vague flopping gesture at the human supposed to mean 'they keel over and die'.

"Vending machine." He offers, remembering having watched many a human be crushed by falling vending machines. The human tries to laugh along, sounding more than a little panicked.

He passes a mug of tea over with his sage advice. 

The human seems even more disconcerted by this but thanks him anyway.

"How long have I been here?" It asks as he grabs his own mug and hopes that the conversation will help him distract himself from the taste.

"Oh. Weeks- many weeks. Maybe months." He says. Of course he knows exactly how long has passed down to the second but that information is quite useless and he would rather not give the human suspicions when it has information he wants.

The human begins to panic about the passage of time and the Master does his best to stop it, wishing that he would not have to deal with a panicking human.

"They don't look so bad." He says of her friends- he's fairly sure she's female-, waving at the monitor showing the Doctor, his two alien pets and the blue one.

She goes to the screen, pretending he doesn't think the stupid statement is quite as dumb as it is.

"Where are they now? Are they okay?" The human asks, one hand clasped around the pole holding the drip.

"They are fine- look at them." He says, both hands gesturing to the screen as he sits at his desk.

"That is now. That's right now." He explains simply as the human somehow continues being confused, "That is them. Is live." He emphasises before it asks any more stupid questions.

"Yeah but they're- the picture- is frozen." It says as if  _he_ is stupid.

"No." He clarifies. The human keeps protesting.

"They are at top of ship. Top of ship very slow. We are at bottom. Bottom much faster." He points out. The Master really doesn't know why the Doctor would think dragging around fools like these would be fun.

"Very fast bottom." He emphasises. The Time Lord rolls the words around in his head and laughs.

The human looks torn between confusion and throwing up at the clarity just weaselling it's way into its mind.

"I don't understand." It says and the Master looks up from where he'd been readying his pen in hopes of information.

He wishes that for once the Doctor would pick a companion on his intellectual level.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to update!

The Master leans back on the grimy couch, arms folded behind his head and feet on the cluttered coffee table. Something had fallen to the floor when he had put his feet up but he doesn’t care- it’s not like there’s anything of value on this whole ship aside from himself.

The Doctor is still moving incredibly slowly. The Master could swear the other Time Lord was doing it on purpose. 

The woman (somehow he can tell with that one) is somewhat interesting though. He can’t tell if she’s a Time Lady from all the way down below her but there’s something not quite human about her. Pretty too from what he can ascertain- quite similar looking to the Doctor in some ways actually. Maybe the Time Lord had picked based on wanting to have a matching side-kick this time?

Then he picked the two others to emphasise his similarities with victorian lady? 

The Doctor clearly knows her well though and that’s annoying enough that he’s decided to kill the companion when she gets down here, Time Lady or not.  _ He  _ was the closest person to the Doctor- not some woman in fancy dress.

Although he was currently wearing a disguise- maybe the Doctor has a type?

This thought only doubles his want to kill the victorian woman.

The Master looks back at the sleeping human. Hopefully she’d start talking about something useful when she woke up rather than blabbering on about how great the Doctor was.

The only way he’d got her to shut up yesterday had been by asking if she loved the Doctor. The human had gone quite pale then, hurriedly explaining that she only liked girls.

It was almost a shame- as much as he hated humans he would happily have messed around with one the Doctor seemed to like to mess with him. 

There are many other ways to mess with a pet though and the Master was sure he could get all the information the human had, mess with its head and have some fun before the Doctor got down to their level. 

How many years would that be anyway?

The human begins to stir and the Master grins at the thought that comes into his head.

Quietly he stands and walks around to the bedside, leaning carefully over the human’s face and looking directly down with as innocent a smile as he can muster.

“Wakey morning Bill Potts.” 

The human’s eyes blink open and it yelps in shock, confusion and no small amount of fear. Its hands come up to either hit him or push him away. It aims straight for his face and he pulls back just quickly enough that it misses. 

The Master can’t help but cackle at its panic.

“What the fuck!” It gasps, still catching its breath.

“You can’t do that ever again! Oh my god! That was terrifying- what the hell?” The human complains.

The Master feigns ignorance.

“Oh- you did not want to be greeted in the morning?” He asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“It’s not- wait until I get up to greet me. It’s a bit- you know- absolutely terrifying to wake up with someone hovering over you.” The human fumbles for words, finally sitting up.

It swings its legs over the side of the bed and makes for the kitchen area before pausing and looking back, eyebrows slightly furrowed but lips quirking up at one side in a smile.

“Did you- did you say  _ ‘wakey morning’ _ ?” It asks, eyes squinting a little.

“Yes- is that not how you greet someone waking in morning?” He asks, feigning ignorance. The expression on the human’s face is almost endearing but more plain funny.

“Well- not really. Normally you say ‘good morning’ or ‘wakey, wakey’ if you’re talking to a child or something.” The human explains, “It’s not a bad thing though! I quite like it!” It hurries to emphasise, clearly worried about offending the only person she knows here. It’s spread its arms in a clear gesture meant to placate and show that it’s not a threat or trying to offend him.

The Master almost laughs at the insinuation that it’s not a child compared to him.

“Anyway. Yeah- would you like some tea? It’s only fair because you made it yesterday.” The human asks.

The Time Lord is a little surprised by the offer and- much to his own disgust- a little bit thankful and raises his eyebrows at the human’s turned back.

“Yes. Tea would be good.” He says, not quite sure whether the words sound right with his fake accent but not really sure what to say.

The human doesn’t notice anyway.

 

Soon the Time Lord and human are sat on the couch with mugs of hot, bitter tea.

The human grimaces with each sip and it takes a lot of control for the Master to not pull faces at the drink.

It’s awful.

Admittedly a little better than his own but nothing makes up for the lack of any kind of sweetners.

“So- this is nice.” The human says.

“No. The tea is bad.” He states, deliberately misinterpreting the words.

“Well- yeah. There isn’t much I can do about that.” It agrees with a snort, clearly not caring too much about the tea’s state.

“I meant sitting and drinking tea in here. It’s nice. Well- nicer than being back in that room- you know. It’s alright.” The human says, stumbling over words again. 

“Yes. Yes. Very nice down here. Safe.” He agrees, amused by the human’s clumsy attempts at conversation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit late- busy day. Next chapter should be on the 29th of July.

The Master hears a heavy thump as he fiddles with the few bits of electronics he’s salvaged from around the city, making nothing in particular. He doesn’t turn around, not particularly precious about his work but knowing that it’s probably the Doctor’s pet human and not one of the slightly more important ones who would require him to actually do something.

A shift of fabric comes from the couch and confirms his suspicions.

He ignores the human still.

There’s another slight noise before it speaks.

“So. What do you do for fun around here?” It asks.

The Master looks back over his shoulder now. The human is turned as much as it can with the box in their chest, arms thrown half over it and half over the back of the couch and it readjusts, still somewhat unused to the newest addition to its body.

It doesn’t look anything near casual and the Master gets the feeling that even if it didn’t have the box to try and work around it still wouldn’t be able to hide the real curiosity and boredom fuelling the question.

The Master smirks, one eyebrow raising.

“You want to know what I do for fun?” He clarifies.

The human smiles.

“Yeah. Might as well.”

 

Only a few minutes later the human is sat on an empty medical cart.

“Are you sure this is safe?” It asks, finger hooked over each edge as if already bracing for impact.

“You have good heart now. Strong.” He says as he lines the cart up with the open doors. The Master steps back and begins jogging a little to give him space to build up momentum.

“That’s not really as reassuring as I think you think it is.” The human calls out, gaze stuck forwards.

“Will be fine. If not we fix it.” The Master replies dismissively before beginning to run.

The human’s shoulders tense as his feet pound the floor, arms outstretched. He doesn’t wrap his hands around the handles, instead pushing straight at the tray and leaping on himself as it shoots forwards.

The human screams as doors flash by on either side of them and he laughs so hard he forgets his accent, leaning forwards as he holds on. The human leans back, white knuckled grip unrelenting.

Disappointingly they begin to slow before they get half way through all the doors they’d opened in the corridor. 

The Master is still laughing as the human hastily climbs off and stares at him. It swings a fist at his shoulder weakly and he lets it hit in its amusement, still shaking in laughter.

“I thought we were going to die. Like- I literally saw my life flashing before my eyes. What the hell, Razor?” It complains.

The human steps back to collapse against the wall, groaning slightly and looking very pale.

The Master manages to pull the accent back over his laugh as he calms down.

“You did not enjoy ride then? Perhaps other game?” He suggests.

The human doesn’t look up, nodding as it calms down.

“Unless you want me to be sick and you have to clean it up.” It mutters under its breath.

The Master starts laughing again.

 

The Master sits behind a chair in the room of failed cyberman attempts, breathing even more quietly than normal against the antiseptic smell of hospital and the stench of blood and death which is faint beneath it.

Well more he squats but that isn’t dignified in any way and even playing the part of Razor he refuses to give up dignity where it can be found so he is definitely not squatting, thank you very much.

He hears the soft woosh as a door opens and freezes still, listening intently to the footsteps on the other side.

It’s the wrong person.

The footsteps aren’t right for someone supporting a huge machine at chest height and the shoes have the wrong kind of sole.

There’s a pause as another door opens at the other end of the room. The Master watches impatiently as the human takes its sweet time in going through it, hoping that it doesn’t see him and ruin the game.

Eventually it does and the Master restrains his laugh, sneering at the closing door and silently standing. He tilts his head up and walks around the chair and its inhabitant, ignoring them completely.

He reaches the door in only a few seconds, ready to make his escape and find a better place to hide where he won’t be asked to do work or be kicked out of a room he should own. 

Just as he is about to step through one of the double doors the other swings open quietly, revealing a smirking human, arms folded despite the mass on their chest.

“That is not a round that counts.” The Master declares, folding his arms too and pouting at the quietly gloating human.

“Only because you lost and you can’t have me break your winning streak.” The human counters.

The Master can’t think to counter it right then, pushing past the human and into the corridor.

“You do not win at hide and seek.” He insists, suddenly bored of their game.

The human follows after him and he ignores the way they tease him, arms still folded over each other.

“We fight another time and I win.” The Master says.

Bill can’t resist.

“You do know that games aren’t just about winning, right?” The Doctor’s human asks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all out of ideas so here's the end I guess.

The Master sighs, watching the elevator on the screen move obscenely slowly. His arms are flung over the back of the dilapidated couch. Bill is asleep on the bed, turned away from him so he tilts his head up to an angle more suited for him.

It's been years since he met Bill now.

Being Razor has itched like an old wool jumper and pulled like a suit too tight.

Only a little longer now- only days.

Then he can finally take off his disguise and be the Master again- not this pathetic excuse for a human.

Far more quietly than Razor could have if he was real the Time Lord stands, shoulders squared and back straight, and looks down on the room around him- on the spaceship around. Hell- he looks down on the whole universe.

It would be very good to be the Master again.

He strides over to one of the cluttered trolleys and silently plucks a bottle from among the crap. Shows how well things can hide in plain sight.

The Master unscrews the cap and takes a swallow, feeling the burn of alcohol down his throat and laughing low in his chest.

God- it's been so long.

He relishes that burn, savouring the ache as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose.

He takes another swig, letting the liquid scorch the inside of his mouth before swallowing it down with a smile, teeth bared to nobody here to see it.

In a few more days he would dance toe to toe with his nemesis and his future- he can't  _wait!_

He lets out another laugh, a hand sliding down his face as he turns around to return to the couch and fling his legs up on the small cleared space on the coffee table.

His grin drops when he sees the human on the bed in the corner of the room. The Master stares at her for a moment.

The human would have to go.

And yet part of him rebels at that.

Part of him actually  _likes_  Bill.

Ugh- he'd even started thinking of it as having a name and identity.

The Master scowls and almost throws himself back down into the protesting chair. He takes another drink from the bottle, larger this time and hisses at the burn, eyes closed but pointed at the ceiling.

It wasn't his fault that the Doctor had picked someone vaguely endearing. After ten years he was bound to have some form of attachment to the woman-  _thing._ It is just a human.

It's not like having affection for things had stopped him killing them before.

The Master sneers at the emotion regardless, putting the bottle of his lips again.

It would hurt the Doctor and that would make it more than worth it.

He can imagine that expression right now- the same pain on his face as it had appeared when the human had been shot. That darkness in his eyes and the anger with which he'd turn to him- or maybe  _her._

Maybe he would blame her for this- his future. Perhaps he would glare at her in disgust for it. Perhaps he would tear her apart for it.

The Master would love to watch himself be torn down by the Doctor. She would fight back too probably, rip open the curtain to the flaws of his morality, make him weep at the sight. His future couldn't be anything other than beautiful flame, smouldering for moments in the pretense of tameness then blazing a path, sending up smoke and ashes and screams.

The Doctor turns his head again, looks at Bill and ignores that small doubt in the very back of his mind.

_It won't turn out the way you think._

_You're out of place._

It whispers, muffled shouts.

The Master drinks.

 _You don't really want this._  Is his limit.

The great and mighty Time Lord leaves, striding away from his worries about his plan, so long in process and with so much invested in it.

He doesn't care about the human and his future self wouldn't care about the human and the Doctor would be torn apart between them.

This would happen because he is the Master.

He knows- he knows- he knows-

It's his future.

It's  _him_.

There's no way that his future self actually has  _compassion_ , is there?

There's no way that the Doctor could forgive her?

There's no way that this will all fall to pieces?

The Master slumps against the wall and drinks.

He wouldn't regret killing Bill.

He wouldn't care.

Would he?

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any ideas for chapters or just things that can happen feel free to comment or message me because I have no idea where to go with this except the final chapter which I can post but it would mean the end of this fic.


End file.
